SMART GIRLFRIENDS GUIDE™ to Divorce 2014 Top 30 Poll

By Star Young

When it comes to divorce, the first place we turn to is our divorced girlfriends to tell us the real deal.  Here is our first annual SMART GIRLFRIENDS GUIDE™ to Divorce with the top truths from women who have been there, done that, and wish someone had told them.

 

  1. Time spent on revenge and spite is better used working out, meditating, learning new skill or volunteering.  You grow and will feel better, you will rock that LBD and your heart will be filled.
  2. Divorce is not a life sentence.  Life is what you make of it.   Make the most of it for you.  If you have children, teach them by example and they will learn to make the most out of their lives.
  3. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  Better to forgive and find peace than to be the cliché angry divorcee.
  4. If you’re still in the midst of your divorce, don’t try to make your ex jealous by letting him know your dating and don’t stalk him to see if and who he is dating. Both are a waste of time. 
  5. Unfriend your ex and any of their friends -- same goes for Instagram, Twitter and other social media.  Better for both of you.
  6. Don’t go to the marital hangout; find a better, new one.
  7. Go to a fashion store and try on everything that you’ve always  wanted to wear.  Have the salesperson help you pick out what is flattering for your body.  Even if the budget is tight buy one thing that starts to build the closet, your self confidence and the new you. High heels are a great first start.
  8. Your reflection in the mirror reflects your self esteem.   Look at what you are projecting to your family, children and the world.
  9. Ask a recommended stylist for a face flattering look and maybe even a new color but most important put your shoulders back, head high and smile to raise your face value.
  10. Be mindful of what you  think, what you say and what you do. Time spent on the past is can’t be changed but you can change the future.
  11. When you start to date, follow the Jerry Maguire advice, don’t talk about your divorce, your ex or your children on a first date.
  12. Happy women are attractive. Find your inner peace and happiness.  Counseling, inspirational books and weekend retreats can be as good as botox.
  13. Trust no one, not even the attorney you hire. You have to look out for yourself.
  14. Attorneys are not your counselor or your friend, but they do bill by the hour. Attorneys make money the longer the divorce and it comes out of your pocket. Check the bill.
  15. Family Court is not about what is fair, it’s about settling the case. The courts are inundated and the average divorce takes two years.
  16. Shared custody is hard but look at it as you actually get a weekend off. Use the time for yourself.
  17. Mediation is the most common divorce process but it’s not about what is fair, it’s a negotiation and who breaks first.
  18. Keep copies of all financial records, house bills, loans, mortgages, tax returns and credit card bills.
  19. Have your own credit cards and money.
  20. The grass is not always greener on the other side.  If you leave your marriage for someone else you take on someone else’s baggage.
  21. Once a cheater, usually always a cheater.
  22. Start new holiday traditions.  Include your children’s crazy ideas, the more fun the better.
  23. A good therapist is worth everything if you work your way out of the marriage and realize your own contributions to its failure.  Even if you don’t think you need it, you, your children and your future deserve it. 
  24. Some married friends really do start to look at you differently.  Some women will look at you suspiciously, and some jealously, but real friends will be there for you.
  25. Make the bedroom yours.  Buy new sheets, new pillows and sleep in the middle of the bed.
  26. Make a list of goals for yourself. Frame it and put it by your bed and look at it first thing every morning.
  27. If you decide to try to reconcile it’s normal but just set up new rules and stick to them or you’ll be back to where you started. 
  28. No matter who started the divorce, there will be days that you question everything.  Just look ahead 5 years from now and plan where you want to be.
  29. Before you start dating others, you should date yourself, like yourself and then help yourself prioritize what kind of person you should date.
  30. This life is not a dress rehearsal so go for your #Happily 4Ever After.

Star Young is an entrepreneur and Fortune 500 award winning executive.  Ms.Young is a certified excellence coach and a trained facilitator of Edward Deming Continuous Improvement.  In addition, she has been a talent for CBS syndicated programming, as well as a co- founder of the Beauty Spot and author of Smart Girlfriends Guide series.