Sexuality at 57 years old

By Melanie Contreras

I have suggested that I have recently discovered my sexuality at 57 years old.  Many of you might be thinking, what exactly does that mean?  Without getting into too much detail, sexuality is quite a cumbersome topic.  Its political, sexual, psychological, physiological, cultural and too many other things to even mention.  The part of my sexuality that I most recently discovered has more to do with gender dynamics and how we as couples interact with one another in and out of the bedroom.

The best way for me to describe this new and awe inspiring part of my life, which has changed both the way that I enjoy, and participate in my life, is by telling you a little story.

Toward the end of my divorce, I started dating again after about 20 or so years.  Well that in and of itself was a challenge.  During the course of meeting some really wonderful men, I joined a dating site called Fitness Singles, which was for people who were really into their health and working out.  This young man, let’s call him Michael, emailed me about wanting to get together.  Michael claimed to be 42 (just for the record he was only 38 at the time).  I was 55 at the time.  This really wasn’t a comfortable fit for me, way too young.  But he insisted and insisted and insisted.  He finally said "What's the harm in one date?".  So I eventually caved.  This was not just any date, but one that would forever change the way I viewed this part of my life.  Not to understate it by any means, it was THE DATE of a lifetime.  If you're reading this Michael, don’t let your head swell.

So began what would become a pivotal change in my future relationships with men.  Without going into all the details, Michael pushed me beyond my limited thinking of the dynamics between partners.  I now realize that beyond being an active participant, my needs, fantasies and desires (whatever they play out to be) are authentic, fulfilling, and never meant to be judged.